Just a Rant About Lies and Judgments

angry woman1I’m glad I saw the Three Day Quote Challenge from Deb earlier. Focusing on that helped quell some of my anger. I was so pissed off earlier that I had to take half of a Xanax to stop my shaking.

It normally takes a lot to get me that pissed off, but the one thing that will do it faster than anything else is for someone to lie to me and I find out. Some might argue that the lie was just a small fudge, not an outright lie, but it still hurt and pissed me off when I found out.

My baby sister and I are 12 years apart in age and as adults we’ve never been really close. I’ve made repeated efforts to change that over the years and I still get shunned. The only time she includes me in anything is when it’s a family event, when she really can’t get out of it. So while it still confuses me why she rejects me, I’ve gotten used to it.

I live in a room at my oldest sister’s house and I have no car until I get some money saved up, which means I have to borrow her car when she is off work to do my shopping and errands. I hope I get the retroactive approval on my disability application so I can get a vehicle and get back into a place of my own. While I appreciate M keeping me from ending up homeless when my life took a nasty turn, after two years it’s getting old and the stress factor is increasing.

Yesterday, I asked if I could borrow the car to make a trip to Big Lots and explained what I was looking for so I wasn’t going to be gone long. She said they (I thought meaning just her and my BIL) were leaving soon. To me, soon means within the next hour at least. When I asked M when they would be back, she said, “Late.”

I asked, “Where are you going?” Her reply was, “Out with some friends.” I told her, “Good for you. Y’all need to relax.”

So I made a quick run to a nearby convenience store and came right back. Three hours later my BIL was finally taking his bath and getting dressed. I was irked because I could have done my brief shopping trip and been back long since. But I didn’t say anything. They, including my nephew, left about 6:00. They were back about 8:00 (that’s late!?!). I didn’t say a word, just stayed in my room. I had a proofing job to work on anyway.

Then today I saw on J’s Facebook page pictures of her, her new boyfriend, her kids and grandkids, plus M, my BIL and my nephew, taken at a restaurant last night.

Like I said, I’m used to baby sister ignoring me and not including me, but it hurts that M thought she had to lie to me. It would have hurt less if she had simply told me the truth about them being invited to dinner with J and crew. It’s certainly not like I’ve ever begged to go out with them somewhere. I just really don’t understand why she felt it necessary to lie to me.

I haven’t said anything to her yet. When I’m upset or pissed I have trouble talking without crying and then I get told, whatever the situation, that it’s nothing to cry about.

Guess I better close this out. Supper’s ready and my belly is growling. Maybe I’ll say something afterwards.

I did speak up, but I might as well as have saved my breath.

Me: “Why did you feel it necessary to lie to me about last night?” Her: “They are our friends.”

Me: “I know you and she get along better.” Her: “I didn’t want you to get your feelings hurt.”

Me (starting to cry): “I wouldn’t have been hurt. I’m used to J not wanting me around.” Her: “Yes, you would. You’d be acting like you are right now. It had nothing to do with you, anyway. She doesn’t want any of the family around her new boyfriend yet. We only met him last night.”

Me: “No, I wouldn’t. It hurt more that you lied to me.” Her: “Yes, you would. I know you. You’re blowing this all out of proportion!” And she walks away without another word, almost slamming my bedroom door.

I am so fecking tired of my family judging me based on the way I was 30 years ago! As someone who is affectionate, a hugger, and open to new things and ideas, I certainly don’t fit in with my ultra-conservative, uptight family.


8 thoughts on “Just a Rant About Lies and Judgments

  1. M didn’t want to make you cry that’s why she lied. And that’s why she walked away when you did, this is just as difficult for her as she is caught in the middle. What if you were to go to her, tell her you understand her predicament, hug her, smile and walk away. She didn’t want to hurt you but she did anyway, by trying not to. She’s in a no win situation, help her out of it. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • All is well with me and M. She did say she hadn’t wanted to hurt my feelings and I explained to her why it hurt more for her to lie to me.

      However, I forgot that my posts also go to my blog page and some of the family members (nieces, mostly) had liked it. I got hell from J’s daughter for “making our family look bad.” Oh, well. She hasn’t responded to my message to her about why I used the initials, etc., but it’s not the first time I’ve upset someone in my family unintentionally, and probably won’t be the last.

      Thanks for listening and caring. If I ever choose to blow off steam like this again, at least I’ll remember to keep it off my Facebook page.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m happy to hear that all is well with you two. I was just leaving you a message. First, all families have issues so you are not making yours look bad, only real! Second even if your family is not a hugging family, you can be! Be a hugger…be to them what you would like them be to you. Even if they don’t. You’ll probably shock them at first with the hug…but who doesn’t like a hug…maybe you’ll be surprised. At any rate, be true to you. As for J’s daughter well she’s defending J, her Mom, which is only natural. She may or may not respond to your message. Just always come from a loving, respectful place. We all need to blow off steam from time to time and I’m glad I was able to listen and if I was of any help, even better!! 🙂 Now don’t you have a quote to do or maybe you did it, I haven’t gone to your site yet, was just starting to!! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. My guess is M didn’t want to have to explain to you, why she was going out with J and you weren’t invited. She was put in an awkward position especially if J said not to tell you. I think the best approach is to be honest, as you said you hate being lied to. It’s unfortunate that J has these feelings towards you since life is too short. Have you ever asked J why she doesn’t like you? It is difficult to live with your sister and her family for so long, so if you could get that retroactive money and find your own place that would certainly help with M. If nothing else, expect yourself to always be honest with them and you won’t have any regrets of saying something or not saying something. Sometimes even though you are family doesn’t mean you will get along. Do want makes you respect yourself. I’m glad I helped calm you down even if it was in the smallest of ways!! Good luck… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for caring. I wrote this largely because I knew I needed to get it out and I had nobody else to talk to. I have updated the post with the results of my asking her about why she lied. I’m praying for a solution soon. I’ve said before that you have to love family because they’re blood, but that doesn’t mean you have to like them. My problem, I think, is expecting my family to be something it has never been, and will never be: close-knit, at least when it comes to me.

      Liked by 1 person

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